Today's class was supposed to be Outlaw however the two main teachers are out so there was a sub. She was awesome. I have never taken one of her classes but I think I'm going to have to experience more with her. Literally one of the first things we did was an L-Handstand on the wall. Ironically, I had been thinking about trying this because of my inability to commit to Handstand; my thought was that maybe taking out the leg portion would help me get on top of my shoulders so I can improve. You will feel like you will fall... but you won't. Because your feet are on the wall. I almost got it today. The really important thing was that I experienced it. For a moment, I experienced a true L-Handstand and that feeling of being over my shoulders the way I need to be. And then my brain started freaking out, thinking I would fall. Now I realize that I cannot, I mean can not, fall in that pose. So that's going into the regular rotation of things I work on. The only way I can improve is to practice. That statement applies to so much more than just my yoga practice right now.
The title of today's entry is actually her theme from last week. And one that I identify with really well. I'm becoming less socially awkward and I feel like it is a story I am telling myself. That I am this weird, awkwardly social (er... socially awkward) being. However I am also accepting myself more as I am every single damn day. Anyway, today's theme (or this week's theme for her) was really powerful. The word is Shame. Wow. Not what I was expecting at all. So many times I hear gratitude and presence and community... yada yada yada, happy happy joy joy. But Shame.... I was like whoa. It's just a dirty word. It brings up really negative thoughts for people because most people naturally go inward and start thinking about bad things they have done and are ashamed of. She compared it to pulling a bow taut and never letting the arrow fly. Feeling that tension and power but never releasing it. Whoa... again. So the whole class, she is making this analogy about pulling a bow taut and then releasing the arrow. Pull, release. Pull, release. Pull... Release. Just whoa... yet again. I always find myself working on stuff, mental emotional stuff, in yoga but very very rarely so openly. It was just amazing actually. It felt kind of weird, dirty, inappropriate at first. But at the end, I was like "whoa... I really let some things go." I have been really really happy and really really excited about life lately and I almost thought that this would bring me down. But what it actually did was brought to a calmer level of happy excited-ness. Like I am still ridiculously excited about where things are going right now in my life but I feel like I'll be able to sleep tonight. Or maybe I won't. We'll see.
Amazing class. I am going to take another one of her classes.
Namaste, friends.
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| L-Handstand... Much better form than mine today. But my goal to go for. |
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